Rebellion Isn’t Just for Teenagers
I was tired of cooing voices and puppy dog looks. Exhausted from experts’ and friends’ directions to be gentle and pamper myself.
For 18 months I overachieved at following one-size-fits-all advice for a 57-year-old widow. And the result? I was still miserable!
Rebellion is expected from teenagers. It’s normal for youth to protest established traditions, test rules and try different ways to live in preparation for adulthood.
But What About Adults
But what about adults? What happens when we follow societal rules and expert advice, but they don’t work, as I had discovered after a year and a half? Do we continue indefinitely doing more of the same or also rebel?
Frustrated by advice that didn’t work, I threatened to do the most outrageous thing I could think of for a widow and signed up for an American Pacific Northwest 2,500-mile road trip riding a Harley. The problem with my rebellious action was I didn’t know how to ride a motorcycle and had only thirty days to learn.
When Rebellion Gets Real
My fantasy escape turned into one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever tackled. Learning to ride an 800-pound machine that has to be balanced and contains a multitude of buttons, levers and knobs proved ridiculously hard. I failed my motorcycle license road test multiple times. As I learned to ride, my relationship with fear became intimate, and I eventually learned how to manage it to my advantage.
The Surprise I Didn’t Expect
On the trip I made a surprising discovery. Every time I survive a new difficult riding challenge that I thought I couldn’t do, I discovered triumphant joy after completing it.
The deep happiness that I had been seeking came not from pampering and being good to myself, but rather from accomplishing the nearly impossible for me at that time. I felt happier than I had been in years after making it safely to the top of a steep gravel road with multiple switchbacks, and again after I rode across a 4-mile bridge so high that it rose above the clouds.
Why is it that when we complete something difficult that we know we’re good at, our satisfaction pales in comparison to the unfettered elation we feel when we accomplish something we believed we could not do?
I never would have guessed that the way for me to find deep joy again was to tackle something difficult, test myself repeatedly, and persevere through multiple setbacks before finally experiencing success.
The unwanted, unexpected, and undeserved happens in all of our lives. And when it does we pull back from life and assess what and why. Although pampering and being good to ourselves is sage advice during our initial period of readjustment, at some point we need to move beyond mere survival and move forward outside of our old framework to discover what new possibilities belong in this new life.
Rebellion As An Adult Tactic
I’m not advocating rebellion as the first solution for adults. And I’m certainly not suggesting my choice was a wise one for others to follow. But rebellion can be a valuable adult tool when traditional advice fails because it:
· Offers an alternative to more of the same
· Opens up new possibilities by erasing old boundaries
· Tests additional possibilities that have not been tried
· Uncovers new directions we have not considered
When traditional advice doesn’t work, don’t copy teenagers by rolling your eyes upward, shaking your head and sighing in disgust. Instead rebel like an adult by skipping the attitude and creating your own footsteps. Your discoveries may open up possibilities you never thought possible, ones uniquely suited for you.